FishnetMama has spent the afternoon with Eternally Miserable Friend. It is now early evening and a good stiff voddy looks like just what the doctor ordered to banish FishnetMama’s pounding headache.

Eternally Miserable Friend has spent her entire adult life in hot pursuit of Mr Perfect. She is now teetering on the verge of her third divorce. FishnetMama has been through the whole shebang with her. Not just the marriages, but all those relationships that never got to the official stage - all those “Never Agains”, all that wasted time watching EMF trying to fit yet another square peg into a round hole. As it were.

EMF has probably got her eye on Husband Number Four already. FishnetMama has warned her that she’s on her own with this one.

FishnetMama does not believe in Mr Perfect. She believes in The Man In The Cupboard. This is the man who does not live in her house, so she doesn’t have to clean up after him or spend time ironing clothes that she hasn’t worn herself. She doesn’t have to listen to him blethering on about ball sports that she has no interest in. She doesn’t have to cook food she doesn’t like, or watch TV, or try to think of something to say when the intelligent conversation has dried up.

She just has to yank him out of the cupboard to perform the odd useful task - like hot gorilla sex and anything to do with electricity, woodwork or plumbing. Then she dusts him down and puts him back, and everyone is happy.

Unlike Eternally Miserable Friend.

Hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm. One more voddy and I’m off to open the cupboard.