An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’ The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, ‘Mommy, you are getting fat!’ I replied, ‘Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.’ ‘I know,’ she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?’

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ‘….. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’ The teacher paused then asked the class, ‘And what do you think that farmer said?’ One little girl raised her hand and said, ‘I think he said; ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

A little girl asked her mother, ‘Can I go outside and play with the boys?’ Her mother replied, ‘No,you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.’ The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, ‘If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?’

And my favorite:

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her, ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.’  She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.’