As Yer Mama noted, the holidays are fast approaching, as they have ever since I became Mrs. Clause. This time of year is often the most stressful, when it should be the happiest. Remember, as a kid there was a certain magic that surrounded all things Christmas and, for me, Thanksgiving (I LOVE food.).  Adding that spark as an adult is a bit more rogue than believing that a fat man in a red suit can fit down the chimney. I rarely got fussed at for playing with my food, because I was too busy shoveling it in with a backhoe. Now, I am grown, and it is my prerogative to play with my food. It just makes life a bit more enjoyable. So, with that being said, I would like to introduce Opal. Opal was our buxom Thanksgiving turkey last year. My mother-in-law and I share the same twisted sense of humor. Poor Opal, poor, poor Opal. :)

How to make and enjoy your very own version of Opal:

Do all the things you would typically do to your bird. Bake her for about 1/2 the amount of time you plan to, then remove her from the hot, steamy oven. Now, to give her beautiful, Miami-style implants…cut a lemon in half, leaving the nipple on either side. Carefully cut the breast skin in the middle of the bird’s chest, leaving only a small slit. Slide the lemon to where you think it looks level on each side, nipple side up, of course. Now, if you would like to “dress” your busty poultry in a bikini, grab a can of crescent rolls. Shape the crescent rolls in the form of a bikini top and bottoms and just lay them over the areas that need to be covered (you don’t want your bird to feel violated.). After baking the remainder of time, remove and discard the crescent rolls. It will appear as she has a tan.

I feel that it is only right, now that you have performed breast augmentation and dressed this entree, that you give it a name.

Filed under: Cooking and Recipes, Uncategorized by MamaSlaa