Sheesh.

The interviews began the 24th and ran through today. Twelve of ‘em. All different, all unique . I finally narrowed it down to two good candidates to be second-interviewed on May 9th. Bring ‘em on, I say. I’m so tired I could drop. Most of them were younger females looking for a career change. I guess a change from Taco Bell or Mickey D’s would be positive for anyone, though.
Out of them all, other than the two I chose, two others stood apart from the crowd. One was a mighty brawny lad of 25 who resembled a Sumo wrestler who’s forte’ was “goin’ out to their house and gettin’ the money”. I think he had an IQ of say, 12.
He likes to “hunt an’ fish, an’ go muddin’.”
The other was a young lady who was personable enough, but after I’d listened to her say for the tenth time she “would love to work for our extinguished company”, I filed her resume’ in the appropriate spot as well.

Tomorrow is May 1st and the rest of the week will be sheer hell, so if you don’t hear from me by Sunday, call the undertaker.
Please send donations in lieu of flowers.
Bildo says it costs a lot of money to have someone stuffed and mounted.

I know it has been awhile since I posted. Sorry ’bout that. I have since become a full-time member of the work force. Sounds fancy, huh? Well, it ain’t. It is a break from my household duties, and my son’s incessant “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy!”. I say, “Yes, son?” He says, “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy!” I say, “What!” He says, “Uhmmmmmmm. Uhhhhhhh. I don’t know.” “Ok, well when you remember let me know,” I say. “Okay. I will. Mommy. Mommy Mommy.” I say, “what?!?” He says, “Uhhhhh. Uhmmmm.” I say to myself, “Daaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnn ittttttt!!!” So, but now I have no energy to do the things I said I would do when I had money. Nope. Now, I have more bills. How come that always happens? We had to give our dog away. That sucked. She is getting old, and the older my kids get the more they aggravate her. She is a pit bull. I am so not the person to judge a dog because of breed. Having said that, I am a parent before I am a pet owner. I am a responsible pet owner. My dog never offered to bite anyone or anything. I was afraid, however, a day might come when that might happen. Watched the warning signs, and it was time. She went with a good friend of mine. She is a single lady that lives by herself. She spoils my dog rotten. They are a perfect match. I miss her though. Overall, I am doing well. I am happy that I get to have more adult interaction in my day. Thank some freakin star out there that the people I work with are way cool. I deal with some idiots, though. I can’t help but hear Carlos Mencia and George Carlin arguing in my head. I just smile. I try to be good. I know Karma will be after me if I am not. I don’t like to be paranoid, so I just try not to screw up…too bad. :) I am going to schedule more time to post in the near future.

Peace Out Homies!!

1. Are you a thief?
2. Do you have a functioning brian brain?
3. Do you require more than 40 hours per work week personal time off?
4. How often must your significant other report to his/her parole/probation officer? Do they have their own transportation, or must you drive him/her?
5. Are you capable of staying awake?
6. Are you punctual? By this I mean are you prepared to be here by noon, at the very least?
7. Are you taking your children’s ADHD drugs yourself?
8. Do you and your cell phone have an on-going love affair?
9. If you smoke, are you prepared to limit your smoke breaks to say… 10 a day?
10. I’m the friggin’ boss……
Ya dig??

Note to self:

Have Bildo’s Levitra script refilled.

Happy days are here again. Let’s drink another beer again. Put the empties up our rear again.
Happy days are here againnnnn…..

Oh.
Nevermind.
It’s Monday.
Dammit.

While I was doing laundry earlier today I was thinking hard what to post about this evening, but as usual couldn’t think of any real wisdom to impart. So I decided to dig through some old archived stuff from 2002. Guess what? It’s all on that shitty little laptop hard drive that took 14 dumps last year and finally crapped out when I showed it a picture of what a real computer looks like.

Looking waaaay back on the Wayback Machine for some of my reaaaally old material, I came across this salacious link. I have to say the irresistible thrust murdered at once my maidenhead, and very nearly me. You simply must try it and see if it doesn’t warm your nether regions, too. Don’t forget to see the Instant Sexual Karma if you can tear yourself away from all that Victorian generatin’.

I’m sure you’ll appreciate knowing Victorian women used bees for sex. I know I personally couldn’t wait to read all about that.
Kinda gives new meaning to having a bug on one’s begonia.

In another find, it seems some redneck legislators in Tennessee were looking to outlaw a girl’s best friend by passing a law against dildos.
“any three-dimensional device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs….”

Fine.
I still have my trusty turkey baster.

Since I haven’t regaled anyone with a tale of woe since September, I think now’s a fine time.

What would you do if you discovered your employee couldn’t tell your purse/wallet from hers?
Would you think you were becoming senile and couldn’t remember whether or not you lost that 50 bucks or maybe mislaid it? Would you dare to think she wouldn’t steal your money; even if it was only three dollars? Would you be laying a trap for her by leaving your purse in a precarious position and make sure she found the half-opened side zipper just so you could catch her in the act?

Would you begrudge her all the money you personally put in the company till just to make sure you weren’t short for the day when you were sure it wasn’t really your fault?

She loves ex cons. Lives with them for a month or two. She truly doesn’t know who the father of her second child is. I’m happy she didn’t have a litter.

Any road.. she had a choice.

Leave quietly or face prosecution.

I’m free of the horseshit, and my parting shot is

Otherwise known as JoeMama around these parts, MissT is the grand dame of the pawn business. It just doesn’t get any better than her wondrous wisdom and talent. When you walk into her shop, she looks you in the eye, gives ya a big grin and sizes you up straight off. She already pretty much knows why you’re there, and can even lead a whore to Vassar just to make her think. (no pun there… no sireee) :P In these days of uncertainty and high gas prices, she’ll be sharing some great tips and tricks of her trade; while giving us a good understanding of how the industry works and the history behind it.

She likes gold and lots of it. She has more damned gold rings and chains than Cartier’s, and wears ‘em with s t y l e.

In a recent television interview she filled us in on why more people are using pawn to make ends meet:
“A lot of customers live paycheck to paycheck, so when these gas prices go up, they’ve got to find another resource for gas money.”

Manager of Westside Pawn in Knoxville, TN , MissT has seen a huge increase in the number of customers in need of cash for gas.

“If we write 10 loans, two of those, they will mention for gas money,” she said.

She says one of the biggest changes has been new customers.

“We’re seeing new customers come in the door, people that have never even been in a pawn shop.”

MissT also says she’s seen bigger loans. People are now more willing to sell big ticket items.

“Computers, jewelry, diamonds, the gold, platinum, we’re seeing more of. We had an individual that sold a laptop trying to get gas money to go to Pennsylvania.”

*Ask her about the time she took in someone’s gold teeth.

Hopefully she won’t mention the bowling ball incident.

Couldn’t decide which of these was funnier, so you get two.
And I get to sit here with my beer and laugh my ass off.
Again.

Thanks to my husband and his sick, sick side for sending me these. :P

In my quest to make it through this life with some modicum of humor and sanity, I look for the little things that make me smile. On the rare occasion that happens (especially now that I’ll soon be working six days a week), I run across something that makes me shoot the nectar of bliss (beer) out my nose.

Is it a:

Dremel attachment for those hard-to-get-to areas?
Little blue nose picker for the person who has everything?
Pickachu automatic Tampax remover for those days when you have that not-so-fresh feeling?

Imagine my complete surprise when I read a bit further and realized boy, was I ever wrong.

Well, all you other people may use it for its intended purpose, but I’ve just ordered one to use on that brat who works in my office.
Instead of cracking the whip and screaming, “Mush!”, all I have to do now is poke her in her lazy ass and hope the batteries hold out.